


The Real University Experience

by KNACC



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Gen, Humor, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KNACC/pseuds/KNACC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam Young is loving his time at university until a conversation with Pepper makes him wonder just how genuine his experience really is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real University Experience

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Googlebrat in the 2012 Good Omens Holiday Exchange. Thank you for giving me a chance to write Adam and Pepper as they were a blast. Posted here so as to have all my finished works on AO3.

Adam Young had successfully survived the common debauchery of Fresher's week, made some new friends and therefore felt well within his rights to call one of his best friends and exchange stories of their adventures apart. He easily dialed Pepper's number on the communal phone of his flat and waited.

“Flat 23-” a chipper voice began before cutting themselves off to shout, “Yeah Chris I got it, do you think you could shut up for a minute so I can hear who it is possibly?” Mumbled apologies presumably from Chris were followed by a shouted, “Thank you!” from the voice. Adam chuckled as she spoke back in to the receiver. “Yeah, sorry about that. This is Flat 235, Pepper speaking. May I ask who is calling and who for?”

“Well, I don't know. I was calling for my old friend, Pippin Gal-”

“Adam Young, if you utter another syllable I will make you regret the day you were spawned in hell, mark my words.”

“Just never knew you to be so polite when you answer a phone is all,” Adam teased, “I had to make sure it was you.”

“Aww come off it, I'm trying to be a responsible adult here.”

“Does that mean you don't have exciting tales from Fresher's week to tell me?”

“Absolutely not.” Pepper's frown was audible through the phone. “Let me regale you with the tale of how I won the room furthest from Caroline, the loudest fucker I've ever heard, with only my iron stomach and my wits.” Pepper went on to describe a rubbish pub crawl she had gone on with her new flatmates which had devolved quickly in to a contest for best living quarters in their shared space. Pepper had not only won the best room but also the biggest spot in the refrigerator through a combination of drinking unpalatable beverages and beating all her roommates at arm wrestling. “ I always knew all my years keeping you boys in line would pay off. But man, was our last stop such a dive. I'm pretty sure if I had stood where I had been any longer, the gunk coating the floors would have eaten my trainers right off my feet.”

“Really? All my pubs have been great so far.” Adam then went on to tell her all about his own pub crawl experience, making sure to tease it out in to a tale of proper heroic proportions. He was just getting to the part about how he valiantly saved his flatmate John from the terrible fate of passing out drunk by taking him home when Pepper cut him off.

“Adam,” Pepper's voice laughed through the phone, “Absolutely no way. I don't believe it. You're clearly being completely ridiculous.”

Adam ran a free hand through his blond curls and sighed. “I have no idea what your talking about, Pep. That is the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I'm just a noble sort of guy, alright?”

“No, no I know. I don't mean that. It's just... are you... ya know... using your, um powers?” she whispered conspiratorially. She took a breath, as if waiting for his response and then barreled on anyway, “You are using your powers again, aren't you? Adam Young, I have half a mind to catch a train up there and shove my foot so far up your-”

Adam rolled his eyes and cut her off, “No, Pepper, I'm really not. I promise. What makes you say that, anyways?”

“Because there is not a single, actual uni in existence that has as great of pub crawls as the one you have just described to me.”

Adam chuckled a little.

“Also,” Pepper continued, “I remember the modules you said you were taking before we headed off and 'So You Want to Be a Pirate?' is not a module any real unis offer. And I know because if it was, I'd have gone there instead.”

“You see though,” Adam said smugly, “The actual name of that course is much more reasonable than that. It's... 'Privateering in the 15th through 18th centuries: So you want to be a Pirate?' or something like that. See, perfectly reasonable.”

“Oh, that is so much more academic sounding,” Pepper snarked.

“It is. And- maybe I'm just getting more lucky than you, Pepper? Seems to me that some people are just luckier than others. It could be that, couldn't it?”

Pepper considered this momentarily and then states flatly, “No.”

Adam sighed.

“Now, tell me about that one pub again. The one with drinks named after cartoon characters. Just so I can make certain you are the dirty rotten cheat I already know you are.”

Adam just smiled and starts telling her about the Autobots vs the Decepticons drink-off again. He'd always loved a good story.

****

Later, when Pepper is finished telling him off and audibly rolling her eyes at him, he considered what she said and decided that he was almost positive she was not right. He has had his world-warping powers well under control since, well, since he turned eleven really. Nearly ending the world before he had even really gotten a chance to enjoy it had made getting a handle of his natural born superpowers a priority. He didn't do things like raising Atlantis anymore, he was a responsible adult (unless Wensleydale was having a particularly off day and you can't blame a guy for trying to cheer up a friend, right?).

And yes, Lower-Tadfield was possibly a little too far on the side of idyllic for it to not have been at least partially his fault but he was certain that it had always been a pleasant little community even before he'd been born. He'd even checked the town records and they seemed to corroborate this (He steadfastly refused to listen to the part of him that whispered that he could have doctored these records before he had ever seen them so as to comfort himself. Refused.) There was no way that he was constantly warping the fabric of reality around himself into his personal vision of what it should be; that would be ridiculous.

So when Adam woke the next day at a prompt 11am, ready for his first day of classes, he was certain that he was not, and I repeat not, going to look for signs that he was “cheating” as Pepper had said. He was just going to bask in the joy of his better university and thumb his nose at Pepper the next time they chatted. Except the world seemed determined to ignore his plans because everywhere he went, it shoved nearly undeniable proof he was changing things in to his face. It all started with lunch in the canteen.

Things had been going fine as he walked over. Sure, he'd had some of his new friends wave at him and a few people who had been at the pub when he'd won that contest had shouted his name but being a bit on the popular side was not a big deal. Lots of people were popular, he figured. He was nothing special. He'd just greeted the fifteenth person to wave at him with a warm hello when he reached the canteen. Fifteen might be a bit on the high side but he pushed aside any niggling doubts he had and instead surveyed the food in front of him.

The first thing he noticed was that all of the food looked kinda terrible. There was fish and chips, shepherd’s pie, spaghetti bollognese, jacket potatoes, all kinds of food really. And all of it, every single dish, was in some state of unappealing; from burnt to soggy to congealed. His stomach cringed a bit as he got in line for the alarmingly orange fish and chips but then he smiled. See, he thought to himself. The canteen is packed full of terrible food. If I was really changing stuff, I'm sure the food would all look great. Why would I alter the food just to make it worse on myself?

It was not until he was seated with his flatmate Cara and about five other exceptionally friendly people, telling them a hilarious story about one of the them's mishaps featuring Mrs. Greenlee and some stolen hedge-clippers that he realized that the food could still be his fault. What had he expected from the canteen? Well bad food, of course. Unis are well known for their creepy, exceptionally bland food quality. And what had he found? Eerie, tasteless food as far as the eyes could see. But still, he decided, that could all be a coincidence. Universities had a reputation for having bad food because most of them did have bad food. He was just worrying too much.

He'd nearly forgotten all about it when he got up to go grab himself an after-lunch treat and saw the ice cream. Instead of the usual proper English flavors of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla, he saw that they had only the strange American flavors of peanut butter swirl, cake batter and blue moon. And promptly, he recalled an argument he'd had with Brian immediately previous to them heading off to college. Brian had insisted that all the food would be boring at uni but Adam had disagreed.

“I figure,” Adam had said so confidentially, “that they'll have all sorts of flavors of ice cream at uni. A place as worldly as a university would never be so boring as to stick to plain, old normal flavors. I bet they'll have ice creams that tastes like cakes and cotton candy and even peanut butter.”

Adam glared at the offending puddings and hesitantly scooped himself up some of the cake batter flavor. Taking a bite, he decided that if this was his doing, he was doing the whole campus a favor because it was delicious. And it was only one thing. So what if he had changed the food in the canteen? That didn't mean he was cheating on everything. He let the combination of the delicious treat and the company of new friends fill his mind for the remainder of his lunch, not letting himself think any more about it.

****

Adam had nearly forgotten all about Pepper's worries when he sat down for his first class. He was not at all excited for it. Unlike 'Privateering in the 15th through 18th centuries' which he had next, this class, 'The Industrial Revolution' did not sound promising in the slightest. Adam fully expected to spend all of his time half paying attention, writing down dates he'd struggle to remember the importance of later and doodling mini-cartoons in the margins.

These expectations got blown out of the water completely when Professor Erger came bounding in, face aglow with either an intense passion for teaching and history or madness, Adam was not sure which.

“Welcome to 'The Industrial Revolution'! I'm Professor Erger and I'll be your instructor for the duration of this class.” She gazed around the room and then put her hands on her hips. “And I can already see a few of you checking out. Like sunglasses way back in the last row,” she gestured at a groggy looking student sporting some raybans, “Or jam-master over there with their walkman and headphones hidden in their hoodie,” she pointed out a suddenly sheepish looking girl. “Yeah, I noticed. I know all the tricks, believe me. Though back in my day, it was a bit harder since you had to fit a whole record player under your jumper.” She looked out at the class expectantly. “Oh, come on! Not even a laugh? A pity laugh for the old lady? This is only the first day, people. You're not even going to give me one day to try and prove I'm worth listening to before you tune me out?”

The class stared back at her blankly.

“Okay, how about this then. You,” she pointed to the hoodied girl again, “why are you here?”

The girl took her headphones off and frowned. “Excuse me?”

“Why are you taking 'The Industrial Revolution?” Erger asked again without any hint of irritation.

“Ummm,” the girl looked at her lap and then mumbled, “because I love history?”

“No, well yes, maybe you do love history. History is great! The world is a wild and wooly place and learning about what has happened on it is good fun but why are you here specifically? In this class?”

“Because the industrial revolution is... fascinating?” the girl answered carefully.

“Wrong!” Erger shouted at the girl with glee, making her jump a bit in her seat. “No one actually enjoys learning about the industrial revolution. Not really. Not by this point at least. We are all taught about it so often as we worked our way through primary school and on that by this point, no one thinks they have anything left to learn about it. You're here because you needed a history module and you thought you'd be able do okay in this one without paying attention. Right?”

Adam glances around the room at his fellow classmate nervously. A few of the brasher students nod their heads.

“That is okay. It is a fair assumption really. Luckily for all of us, your assumptions were wrong. There is still plenty of new and interesting things for you all to learn about this over-taught period of progress and you will need to pay attention to do well. But I promise you that if you keep your ears and minds open and give me your all, I'll make this the most interesting class on the industrial revolution you've ever taken. Sound fair?”

Adam pondered that for a moment and then nodded. It seemed to him that this class would be much better than his initial expectations. He smiled as he realized that that meant that he was off the hook for altering the contents of this class. He'd come in thinking he'd be bored out of his mind and had instead found an unconventional but engaging professor. Happy to find proof that he'd only messed around with the canteen, he focused on Professor Erger as she began to explain what exactly the module would require.

****

The glow of self-assurance fell off him a bit though as “Privateering in the 15th through 18th Centuries” began. Though Adam had been looking forward to this module more than any other, Dr. Franklin was just the sort of person who could have made even a lecture on robots battling to the death boring. He droned nasally, went off on tangents and often forgot what he was talking about.

Now yes, it really could just have been an unfortunate situation but Adam had a feeling, particularly when paired with the strangely enjoyable “The Industrial Revolution”, that this was all his doing. Because no matter how much fun Adam had imagining mobsters or perfect college course, he knew that such things weren't real, not really. In real life, things that seemed great on first glance often sucked. Meanwhile, things that you dreaded beyond reason were usually not half as bad as you initially feared. Adam had a sinking feeling that his well-developed sense of realism had turned a boring class in to a riveting one and a class about seafaring badasses in to a classically painful lecture.

Adam shifted uncomfortably throughout the class, wishing he could just go somewhere and think about this. The clues all seemed to be pointing to him using his powers unconsciously but he needed undeniable proof either way so as to have some peace of mind. As soon as Dr. Franklin had ceased his blathering, Adam hurried off to the quietest place he knew of: the library. It had the extra bonus that it should be empty since it was the first day of classes and no one should have homework yet.

It was not Adam's day though. The library was quiet, just as he had hoped but instead of the empty tables and aisles he'd expected, there seemed to be a strangely large amount of students milling about. Adam ignored them and sat himself at an abandoned table. He then pulled out his “The Industrial Revolution” textbook, flipped it open to a random page and stared at it in hopes of looking busy.

Evidence was piling up against him: the canteen, Erger's “The Industrial Revolution”, and Franklin's frankly boring pirates. Adam's head was buzzing as he ran through the possible proof he had witnessed so far when he heard a giggle off to his right. He stopped fake-reading his text book and glanced up to see a brown-haired girl gazing at him over a copy of Anna Karenina.

His first reaction was to smile at her sheepishly which promptly made her giggle again and go back to reading her giant tome. Oh yeesh, Adam thought, the last thing I need right now is some pretty girl mooning over me. He immediately decided that focusing was more important than flirting so after a few more minutes of aimlessly browsing his textbook so as not to seem rude, Adam packed up and headed off in a random direction.

He had just been cutting in between two rows in the classic literature section when his forward progress was halted by an unforeseen obstacle. The obstacle cried out in shock as the tower of books she had been carrying came raining down between them with several loud thuds.

“Sorry!” Adam said and knelt down to help the girl collect her books.

“No no, It's fine,” she mumbled, grabbing two of the volumes and bringing them to her chest. “It was really all my-” The last word seemed to get stuck in her throat though as Adam also stood up and met her eyes, pile of books in hand.

She had dark hair and dark framed glasses and shiny pink lips which she now rubbed together nervously. Adam gawked at her slightly before he said, “I'm Adam.”

“I'm Robyn.” She pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled. “Thanks for helping me pick all those back up. It would have been murder otherwise.”

Adam gently set the remaining books on top of her pile. “It was no problem really.”

Robyn blushed at his close proximity and he had started to chuckle when he realized something. This whole situation seemed very familiar to him but he couldn't quiet place it at first. Then he remembered evenings playing Risk at Pepper's as she watched over her little sister and her little sister's terrible taste in TV. She'd watched sitcom after sitcom filled with awkward flirting and meet-cutes just like this. Dammit!

“I'm sorry but I have to go actually,” he shouted at Robyn as he rushed away, the realization that he was the cause of their awkward meeting distracting him immediately from any fun he was having.

Adam cut through the campus on his way to his flat and frowned. This latest incident made for four solid pieces of proof that he was not as in control as he'd like to think he was. There was the canteen, the interesting professor for the boring class, the dull professor for the interesting class and now the library was rom-com central. Wait, no, Adam thought, I also don't have any modules that start before noon ever. That makes for five. He sighed. The evidence was definitely stacked against him.

He was shaking his head in defeat when something caught his attention: flyers. Flyers everywhere. He approached the campus bulletin board and looked over its contents. He first saw advertisements for one football team's upcoming game. Then he noticed that there were also posters for yet another of the uni's football teams who were also having a game soon. He then noticed in quick succession notices for meetings of an anime club, a baking club and a philosophy club. The last straw was the signs toting an upcoming production of Our Town being put on within the next week. There was no way they had put together a whole play over the course of Fresher's week, Adam realized. This was clearly too many events, too fast even for a university of this size. There was absolutely no way this wasn't his fault.

Okay, Adam thought, So I change everything. It is safe to assume that almost every aspect of this university is because of me and right now I know of no way to stop that from being true. I'm just going to go home, hang out with my new friends, relax and not think about this until I call Pepper tomorrow. I'm sure once she's done lecturing me, she'll have loads of great suggestions. Maybe I'll even try to contact Crowley or Death and see if either of them have any advice. I can handle this, just one more quirk of being the anti-Christ, right?

Worry weighing heavy on his mind, Adam rushed home.

****  
Adam was sitting on the couch, moping slightly when Cara came home.

“You doing okay there?” she asked as she threw her bag on the ground.

The last thing he wanted to do was bring her down so he shrugged and said, “It was just a long first day.”

“I hear you, man. I had this one prof whose nose whistled when they breathed. I'm not looking forward to a whole semester of the nose-flute concerto, I'll tell you,” Cara laughed.

This thought cracked through his gloom a bit and he chuckled. “Oh man, that sounds like the worst!”

“I know! I'm clearly cursed,” she huffed dramatically. “So, anyway, I was thinking to commiserate the completion of our first day of higher education, me and you and John and basically everybody could head out to the bar with the cartoon character drinks and see where the evening takes us from there. How about it?”

Adam sighed. “Ah sorry, count me out. I'm way too worn out to pound the pavement tonight.”

“That's okay. In that case, we can all stay in. We've got plenty of booze around the flat and we can rent a terrible flick or two for mocking purposes.”

“You don't have to change your plans just for me. You can all go out anyway.”

“Nah, it wouldn't be the same. Flatmates got a stick together, you know. And anyways, you are the life of the party. Everybody loves you,” Cara said warmly as she wandered off to search their alcohol reserves.

Adam knew she had meant well but instead of being comforting, her words wadded up in Adam's stomach and sank. Was there any chance he was making these people like him through sheer force of will instead of through his charming personality? With everything he'd already seen today, he would not put it outside the realm of possibility in the slightest.

Adam tried to not let it bother him as his flatmates gathered and eagerly shared storied about their classes. He really liked them so it wasn't too hard to pretend that he wasn't worried. They were fun, welcoming people so even if he had forced them all in to liking him, he was going to be as good a friend to them as he could. They spent the evening watching bad kung-fu movies and laughing until their sides ached.

It was late when John, the only other one still up, finally rolled off the couch and towards bed. Adam sent him off warmly and then sighed. He couldn't wait until tomorrow to call Pepper, he needed to talk to her about what he had discovered immediately if he wanted any hope of sleeping. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, he dialed her number and waited. “Pepper?” Adam whispered when he finally hears someone pick-up.

“Ughhh. Who is this and why are you calling so bloody late?” Pepper growled in to the phone, her voice horse with sleep.

“It's Adam and I wouldn't have called you if this wasn't important, okay?”

“Gahhhh... it is 2 am and I have morning lecture. This better be really important or I'll-”

“You were right,” Adam cut her off.

Pepper yawned. “Wh- what?”

“I am using my powers. I've probably always been using them. ”

Adam almost dropped the phone when a roared “I BLOODY KNEW IT!” comes out of his receiver, several decibels louder than made any logical sense and stirred his passed-out flatmate slightly from his peaceful slumber on the couch.

He put a hand over his eyes and mumbled to himself. “I know, I know. And do you want to know the worst part? I bet you and Brian and Wensley are only my friends because I-”

Pepper's voice cut through his rambling with a short, “Don't.”

“What? I'm just being logical,” Adam snapped back.

“Yeah but don't. Don't ever say that we're just your friends because you made us ,” Pepper said back forcefully. “I've been thinking about this for a long time, ever since I started remembering everything that happened that day... and I'm sure you're wrong.”

“Pep-”

“No listen, we aren't your friends because you wished us to be. We're your friends because you're Adam Young and you are literally the best leader a group of friends could ever have.”

“Oh, come on. Now you're just being silly.”

“I really mean it Adam. Who else could have thought up so much great stuff for us to do as kids? Who else would have listened to all of our silly ideas about the world all this time and never made fun of us for any of it? Who else would have treated all of us like equals, in spite of everything? You're the best leader- no, the best friend any of us could have hoped to have and that is why we've been with you all this time.”

Adam was silent for a moment, letting Pepper's kind words sink in. Maybe she was right. Maybe he didn't make them be his friends. But even if his powers were the reason that their friendship had begun, he was now certain that it wasn't what had kept them together all these years.

“Awww, Pepper. No way I'd have treated you guys any different. I'm really just a normal gu-”

“Yeesh, not the whole being the anti-Christ thing. One track mind much? I was talking about how you never singled me out for being a girl.” Though Adam could not be certain, he was almost positive he could hear Pepper's eyes rolling through the phone. “Most people see a girl and expect her to be a...well, girl. They never would have realized that she's just one of the guys, you know?”

“Well that just pure stupidity, that's what that is. Of course a girl can just be one of the guys. I can't see why people would be going around expecting things of people based on their bodies. That's sexism right there.”

Pepper laughed, “Exactly!” Once she finally got her laughter under control, she stayed quiet for a moment before continuing on with, “Now... don't you dare make me say mushy stuff like that ever again or I'll be forced to smack you the next time I see you, alright?”

“Alright,” Adam said and smiled. It was true that he might never be able to completely keep from changing things in the world around him but he decided that, as long as he had true friends like Pepper and the rest of the Them, everything would work out just fine. He was sure of that.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the lack of italics. I'm still getting used to formatting on this site. I hope to fix that soon.


End file.
